you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
