Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
