the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
