My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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