mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
