just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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