My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
