I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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