You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
