I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
