Last Night in California (323)

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• (323): View more from California

  she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.

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• (323): View more from California

  I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.

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• (323): View more from California

  Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips

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• (323): View more from California

  I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?

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• (323): View more from California

  Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.

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• (323): View more from California

  Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.

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• (323): View more from California

  I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.

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• (323): View more from California

  I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.

  (323): View more from California

  After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.

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• (323): View more from California

  I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.

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• (323): View more from California

  in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels

  (209): View more from California

  you need to stop fucking English majors

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• (323): View more from California

  Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.

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• (323): View more from California

  I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time

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• (323): View more from California

  She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out

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