she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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