Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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