i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
