I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
