He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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