God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need water and some morals
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
