Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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