if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have tasted many bathrooms
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
