I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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