We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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