Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
