PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
