We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
