i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
