dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
