I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
