i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We're not piercing ourselves today.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
