once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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