with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
