Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
