those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
