Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
