when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
