Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
