cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
