she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
