you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
