he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
