it hurts more in the daytime
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
