then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
