So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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