even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
