so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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