My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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