I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
