My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
