bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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