You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
honey bunches of taint.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
