i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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