Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
